Marriage & Partnership with D-Kids

"My Love and Super Diabetes Manager"

A question was posed by a commenter asking about Parenting Diabetic Kids and Keeping the relationship strong. Which is a good question as I think we all struggle with Marriage when we have Kid(s). 

And, like my previous post, maintaining relations with kids is hard enough and takes planning, communication,  love and a strong friendship to endure. BUT, throw parenting kids with diabetes or any other time consuming, emotionally draining chronic disease (cerebral palsy, MD, for example) and it makes the maintenance that much more challenging.

And, you bet, some days, note the pleural, we(My wife and I) pass each other with minimal communication. So how do we stay strong, close, happy and yearning to hang out? 

-We always sit beside each other at the dinner table, forget the head of the table rule, this way we can try to talk to each other a little.

-We always go to bed at the same time, talk, read, cuddle, and sometimes, well, you know......

-In order for the above to work we have pretty strict bedtime rules, so we actually have an hour to our selves.

-We have very few friends.  Now this is by choice, since any spare time we conjure up, we jump at the chance to go out together.  This is crucial.

Diabetes Management etc:

-Well, we share.

-I tend to do the tweaks, insulin adjustment, regime changes and stuff. My wife used to do a lot of the testing.

But with 2 type 1 kids, we divide and conquer. In the mornings, I'll test and inject Rowan, while my wife gets the toddler dressed. 

-We have one golden rule in our house, if ones up working, then we all are up helping, we rest together, and play together.

-For evening care. I do more of the meal prep, and my wife tests and figures out doses, boluses, etc. I think she does more testing, as she understands that I am often testing myself as well, so the situation is a little unique.

-Now the night time stuff, in the beginning my wife did more, as she was able to rest during the day. But now, we share, as she is also working full time.

-Groceries, we now do together, and try to have fun doing the same, like sipping coffee while reading labels, dancing in the isles to the cheesy music, good times!

-Emergencies and doctors apt. Well depending on work, feeling, exhaustion levels, we decide on a whim. I tend to take em to the endo, since I am more comfortable driving into the city

-We also give each other a break, so we can have alone time, key to keeping sanity

I find the minute I become complacent, and say "all is good in our marriage", we argue or drift, so I try to keep the lines of communication flowing, and remind myself that it takes work, effort, planning, and a desire to connect to manage a marriage with kids, and diabetes.

AND yes, some days are certainly easier then others.

Cheers!

Diabetes Holding You Back?

It Shouldn`t. 

Do you feel like some days this bloody disease dictates your every move, you likely feel that no matter what you tweak, no matter how well you measure you are often left with the weird, "where`d that come from" reading. 

Well, welcome to being a PWD or a Parent managing a PWD.

It's not for the faint of heart, it's not for the weak, and its not for the lazy.  Diabetes requires determination, courage, humility, a desire to never ever give up and a whole lot of work. 

As any of my regular readers know, I am surrounded by diabetes.  Literally. No exaggeration. It did indeed almost push me to the brink, or completely off the deep end(mentally). But something strange happens when you fall.

You pause. You look around. You ask yourself some key questions that only you can answer. Like, how did I end up here, how can I get back up, who can help me, and then finally how can I improve and persevere?

Another thing happened to me. I realized that diabetes is only one aspect of my life. It's like the dreaded question you get from people at a party, so, "What do you do?" Use your imagination to answer that.

It is not what you do that defines who you are.  Seriously, Diabetes does not define me, it has certainly influenced many things in my life like;  lifestyle, job choice, interests, hobbies.  But it is a part of me, like my job. It is what I do, not who I am. I am a father, parent, son, brother, citizen, etc...

I am trying to shift my thinking, so I apologize for the philosophical discussion above and below.

I am grateful for my life. I am grateful for my family, I am grateful that diabetes has had a positive influence on me, and my life choices.  I think I value health and love the miraculous human body because at a young age something went wrong with mine.

I have to re-frame this chronic disease in a positive way in order to work with it, instead of working against it, and viewing it as a burden.  This is how I plan to manage my family's diabetes. 

I think in light of the world calamities currently taking place, it kind of puts it in perspective.

Diabetes is what it is, and you can only do the best you can. We aren`t dealing with tsunamis, or a government that wants to bombs us. When compared to these disasters it makes you appreciate what you have, which is what we need to focus on, not what we don`t have (which is a functioning pancreas)

Diabetes is what it is. A burden imposed onto us to deal with with out our consent. We either deal with it or we don`t.

I refuse to let diabetes hold my family back! 


Trev

Diabetic Family Vacation!



Me and Rowan, eagerly awaiting our A1Cs

To the Endo`s Office.

All three of us went to the Endocrinologist today for a 3 month check up. Well the appointments were for the kids but who`s counting.  They did my A1C too.

Scary, I know!  I haven`t been a good PWD as of late, too much snacking, not enough shaking!

I was prepared to get into some trouble as I knew the last 2 months have been, well a little on the crazy side.

My wife is now working full time(started 6 weeks ago)and I know we haven't recorded enough data to analyse trends. My agenda for this visit; get a Rx for apidra for our pumps, and for Dareians MDI regime.

We brought the Watchdog along for the ride. First stop reception, check-in, then wait. (Only 10 min) For the record, they were Helpers.

Rowan

Next we meet with the Dr(Endo)We discuss Rowans diabetes, and decide to tweak her Breakfast Pump Ratios to give her more insulin to cover her breakfast.  Physical exam, good, she is growing. Discussed hypo unawareness, and still waiting for her to grow out of it.

Dareian

Next up Dareian, one word record keeping. Record keeping and more record keeping. Dareian forgot her logbook in the Van so I jotted down her numbers on a pad for the Dr to make an effort to analyse. Crazy numbers. Lows, highs, rebounds, even some in the 30's(multiply by 18 for USA) crazy and I had no idea, as I would ask her and she'd say her sugars are good. So we decided; it's time to starts doing daily records to assess her sugar trends, food, activity etc. Physical exam done, some skin questions, referral to a dermatologist, and onto the next team member.

The dietitian. She asked the usual questions about carb intake, ensuring we are feeding them an adequate amount of nutrients and calories for growth and development. I liked this portion, as we all got our A1C results, something tangible. I was not surprised at the deteriorated A1C results as we'd all jumped up a full percentage point. Literally like stepping stones

Me - 8
         Rowan - 9
                       Dareian - 10

I expected an increase but not a full percentage point.  Crappy, we need to focus as a family and get it together people!

Then we met with the Social Worker, each had a chance to vent. Rowan about how she wanted to leave and get something to eat. Dareian about goals, and improved record keeping. Me, about no coverage, debt, and
my small break with reality a few weeks ago where I hit rock bottom.

Now the Nurse, "Any questions?" I responded "Nope, pretty much covered everything, just need the Rx" She gave us some Apidra, and we closed the loop at the reception desk by re booking in 3 months.

All and all a decent visit but I know we have some goals to set and improvement to display to these folks in three months or I am going to feel like I am going to visit the principal or an angry coach at half time if we don`t get our crap together.  

During the apt I'm all ready, gung ho,"fired up" Mr Motivated, now I am back at home wondering from what energy source I am going to draw from to improve all of our A1Cs. I already feel tapped out, the well
hath run dry(trying to sound wise, I know it isn`t working, oh well)

We shall see. I have a meeting with the Chief Operating Officer today, we'll write up a group plan and hopefully bring those A1Cs down a couple of percentage points for each of us.

I will definitely keep you all posted, in well, 3 months. 

Trev

It's a Love Hate Thing

A colleague asked me yesterday why I work in the diabetes field. "Like, aren't you completely sick of it!"
By the way I am a Nurse who does Chronic Disease management.

I paused... and thought about the question....then responded, "well you'd think I would be, being Type 1 myself, and having to manage my 2 type 1 kids, and then working 40 hrs a week where I generally help others manage their diabetes"

Then I said to her I guess I feel good knowing at the end of the day I am helping others manage their diabetes and hopefully they will feel better and live a better life.

However, the question stuck with me (obviously I am still thinking about it today)

I love helping others, I enjoy doing research and using myself as a "Lab Rat" ,changing regimes, and trying to improve control through self experimentation. I love the feeling of nailing a good A1C, or a good 24 hours worth of normal glucose readings, it empowers me.  Now lets talk about the dark side.

I hate worrying about future complications, I hate how much time it takes for managing diet, tests, doctors, pharmacies, recovering from lows, interrupted sleep at night (from hypos) I hate that my 2 kids(out of 5-Ya I have a whack of offspring) have to struggle with diabetes.  I hate when you get thrown the old hormonal curve ball. I especially hate how it is always there, 24/7-365.   

Diabetes can take you in two main directions.  One of self discovery, learning, and the motivation to meet the challenge that it presents. The other direction is pretty much the opposite; refusal to learn, feeling of hopelessness, poor health and future complications.

However, nothing is that simple, and I think it is more a tug of war between the above two directions.

For me there are days I love diabetes, how its changed me and how I am now able to help others, but other day I absolutely hate it.......Definitely a Love-Hate relationship.

Trev