Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Marriage & Partnership with D-Kids

"My Love and Super Diabetes Manager"
A question was posed by a commenter asking about Parenting Diabetic Kids and Keeping the relationship strong. Which is a good question as I think we all struggle with Marriage when we have Kid(s). 

And, like my previous post, maintaining relations with kids is hard enough and takes planning, communication,  love and a strong friendship to endure. BUT, throw parenting kids with diabetes or any other time consuming, emotionally draining chronic disease (cerebral palsy, MD, for example) and it makes the maintenance that much more challenging.

And, you bet, some days, note the pleural, we(My wife and I) pass each other with minimal communication. So how do we stay strong, close, happy and yearning to hang out? 

-We always sit beside each other at the dinner table, forget the head of the table rule, this way we can try to talk to each other a little.
-We always go to bed at the same time, talk, read, cuddle, and sometimes, well, you know......
-In order for the above to work we have pretty strict bedtime rules, so we actually have an hour to our selves.
-We have very few friends.  Now this is by choice, since any spare time we conjure up, we jump at the chance to go out together.  This is crucial.

Diabetes Management etc:

-Well, we share.
-I tend to do the tweaks, insulin adjustment, regime changes and stuff. My wife used to do a lot of the testing.
But with 2 type 1 kids, we divide and conquer. In the mornings, I'll test and inject Rowan, while my wife gets the toddler dressed. 
-We have one golden rule in our house, if ones up working, then we all are up helping, we rest together, and play together.
-For evening care. I do more of the meal prep, and my wife tests and figures out doses, boluses, etc. I think she does more testing, as she understands that I am often testing myself as well, so the situation is a little unique.
-Now the night time stuff, in the beginning my wife did more, as she was able to rest during the day. But now, we share, as she is also working full time.
-Groceries, we now do together, and try to have fun doing the same, like sipping coffee while reading labels, dancing in the isles to the cheesy music, good times!
-Emergencies and doctors apt. Well depending on work, feeling, exhaustion levels, we decide on a whim. I tend to take em to the endo, since I am more comfortable driving into the city
-We also give each other a break, so we can have alone time, key to keeping sanity

I find the minute I become complacent, and say "all is good in our marriage", we argue or drift, so I try to keep the lines of communication flowing, and remind myself that it takes work, effort, planning, and a desire to connect to manage a marriage with kids, and diabetes.

AND yes, some days are certainly easier then others.



Erin said...

Trev, you and your wife and your family are truly an inspiration to me! My husband and I have only been less than two years, and while we want to start a family in the near future, we are both definitely terrified of adding kids into the mix. You guys inspire us! Thanks for your take on what works for your family! It gives me hope!

Sarah said...

Thanks for sharing. I think for us lately things have been really wacky with TJ's d, he's been dx with Graves disease and with his fluctuating weight his insulin needs have been fluctuating, too causing more dips than normal and making it more difficult to take care of things. It seems like the lows have been so extreme that he's been unable to help parent at crucial times, which for me has been difficult. I don't blame him, but I have been greatly frustrated as I know he doesn't feel good, it's just been extra stressful lately.
Again thanks for sharing.

Shirley said...

Thanks for posting this Trev ... relationships between parents/caregivers is not often talked about but the obvious stresses are there and compounded by the realities of caring for children w/chronic health conditions. It does take work to maintain a healthy relationship no matter what your circumstance ... glad you're posting on a regular basis again! Did you get your sponsor ads from Google Ads or from individual contracts (I'm considering doing the same)?