Thursday, August 4, 2011

Emotional Paradox

The other morning as I was drawing up my smallest Type 1's injection she looked up to me and asked,  "Can I take my needle dad"

I paused; my thoughts were immediately mixed. I felt proud and sad almost simultaneously. Here was this small bright blue eyed sweet innocent child asking if she could stick herself with a syringe full of insulin.

I embraced the fact that she wanted to try, thinking, wow, once again her bravery astonishes me. I finished drawing up the insulin and handed her the needle.

With out a moments hesitation she pulled up her shirt and did it.  Just like that, no pause, no second guessing herself, like I see my adult patients consistently do, where they pause, then proceed, not this kid, she just DID IT!

She looked up and smiled, and said, that didn't even hurt. She was beaming with pride.

I took the needle, and said; "great job you brave princess", and gave her a high-five. Than, she ran off to get to the stuff kids do, what ever was on her mind.

This sparked a memory of when I was 9 years old, sitting on my bed, staring at the syringe my dad had handed me, only I hesitated, for quite a while, and gradually stuck the needle into my thigh. I was afraid, and I remember thinking, I hate diabetes, I hate taking this stupid needle. Why oh why? But time passed and here I was witnessing my little girl, so gracefully showing initiative and injecting herself, like it was just a normal thing to do.

I am so proud for her and also sad.

Diabetes, once again, forces its presence into my soul, causing a paradox of emotional turmoil.



Nikki of Our Diabetic Warrior said...

What a brave little girl you have!!!!! Cute as the dickens too!

My son is 9 and used to do his own in his belly, but for some reason only wants me to do it in his arm now. I guess we have to go with the flow and be there when they want us.

It definitely is bittersweet! You are such a great dad!

Denise aka 'Mom of Bean' said...

Way to go! It's totally an emotional paradox when they do things like that, for sure. Amazing that she didn't hesitate at all...Bean would always do the 'one, two, three...inject' when she was on MDI. Sometimes that pause between 'three' and 'inject' was really long!!

Roselady said...

What a cool story. Really. I love her for that.

Sarah said...

darn you for making me cry - ugh! I do hate diabetes, mostly because it takes these amazing monumental moments of seeing our children as so amazingly tough and making it also hard knowing we wish they never had to endure any of it. She is incredible.